Monster
by lameninja
Summary: Izaya observes how much of an impact Shizuo has had on his life - Shizaya. It's gay. Watch out.


**Hey! Here's a monologue...thing I wrote a while ago. I do enjoy writing these things, especially when they go into the complex inner workings of Durarara characters :)**  
><strong>I wrote this for a close friend of mine :3 <strong>

**Enjoy!**

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><p>Humans are everywhere.<br>Each day they go about their routine; getting up, packing their bags, having their breakfast, catching their train, sitting down in the office, walking to school, getting a coffee from the canteen, sitting down with their lunch, chatting away on their phones, doing grocery shopping on their way home, kicking their shoes off as they get in through the door, cooking dinner, slouching on the sofa, staring at the television, tucking young children into bed before joining them in their dreams a while later.

If something were to happen to upset that routine, say, they get splashed as a truck drives past them through a puddle, realising they've forgotten to charge up their mobile phone, getting dumped by their partner of three years or coming home to find their television has been stolen, it would really put a dent in their somewhat ordinary day.

But they'd always move on from it. Clothes can be washed, phones can be charged up later on, there's plenty more fish in the sea, and it's a good job that television was insured.

Humans love routine. They thrive off it. Why do you think young children get given those toys that play animal sounds over and over again? Why do the buses to the school always run every ten minutes? Why is there always enough hot water left for your bath, and never enough for the person after you to take a shower?

As a teenager, I decided to make every day different. For example, I'd always take a different route to school. I had about nine different combinations of routes I could take, so it wouldn't even be taking the same route, say, every Tuesday. As it so happens, I even had a route that would take half the time to get to school if I was ever running late. But of course, that route was only ever saved for days when I absolutely needed it. If my mother ever gave me a lunch too similar to that of the day before, I would refuse to eat it. I'd even wake up at different times every morning.  
>It's not OCD or anything. I just hate routine. I'd much rather watch someone else go about theirs' than my own.<p>

Then I met him.  
>The only person who was able to break my habit. And he wasn't even aware of it.<br>Every single day, I would go out of my way to annoy the hell out of this guy, getting gangs to jump him, making him chase me around town, framing him for crimes he couldn't commit, I could go on.

Why did ruining this guy's day become part of my routine, you ask?  
>I know how humans work. I know how they react when put in certain situations. When asked to wear a pair of ridiculous cat ears or something, they'll say no. If they're alone, that is. If a whole group were doing it, that one human would internalise, not exactly knowing why they're wearing the cat ears, but liking the idea of being part of a group.<br>Hell, every now and again, I go out of my way to manipulate someone, getting them to reveal all of their most precious secrets, before I tell them everything they're feeling right down to the final detail of that single bead of sweat running down the side of their left cheek.

But this guy…he never acts according to my plans.  
><em>Never<em>.

I've considered many reasons why over the years. Most of them have just been dismissed, because they're way too farfetched.  
>However, there is one conclusion I have finally come to.<br>This guy _cannot_ be human.  
>I've never seen someone with such strength. He can lift a vending machine and send it flying as if it were a baseball. He can survive being hit by an oncoming truck at full speed. The wounds I leave on his body heal so quickly. I may have bruises for days after a run-in with him, whereas deep cuts I've left on his skin disappear within hours.<br>He has to be a monster.  
>It's the only logical explanation.<p>

There is no one I hate more in this world than Heiwajima Shizuo. Everything about him makes me sick to my stomach.  
>In my job, people often ask about him, as they are extremely aware of the on-going war between the two of us.<br>I know it sounds unusual, but even though my job involves people paying me for information, I have turned down so many clients who have wanted information on Shizu-chan.  
>I'm somewhat protective over him. Until I find out what he is, I will not spill anything I know about him to anyone. Information I have on Shizu-chan is sacred as it is so scarce.<p>

A few of my acquaintances know more about him than I, and I often try and get a few things out of them in general conversation.  
>The urban legend, whom I happen to be rather fond of, is pretty close to him, and has always favoured him over me. It's probably because she has such a kind heart and can sense something in Shizu-chan.<p>

Shizuo _cannot_ be human.

Because if he was I would've seen that coming.

I'd love to see Shizuo drop dead…but my life would be boring without his constant surprises, wouldn't it?

I need that guy, that _monster_ to help me tick, just like he needs me to fuel him.

Maybe one day I'll give in to him.

But for now, I'll play with my monster a little more, at least until he cracks, just a little bit.  
>Can't break him completely, after all.<br>Then I wouldn't have a toy to play with and, well, as I mentioned before, life would just be boring.

He throws things like vending machines at me, swinging road signs in an attempt to knock me off me feet, flying into the air. He always screams "IZAAAAAYYAAAAAA I TOLD YOU NEVER TO COME TO IKEBUKURO AGAIN." I ignore these orders, of course. There are several reasons why I always go back to that town. One being, many of my clients need information from there, another being I just want to see Shizu-chan snap.  
>I'm sort of addicted to how he acts when he's enraged.<br>It makes my body shiver and I sometimes even manage to get a rush similar to the one he gets.  
>Of course, I never fight back. There's little point when the guy is so much stronger than me.<br>He'd always win in a hand to hand combat, and I have since given up even trying ever since the constant fights we'd have during high school.  
>I resort to much different ways of tearing him apart; using numbers.<p>

It's a method I've used since high school; paying gangs to jump him, catching him unawares.  
>Of course, this is futile, and with a simple whirl of a lamp post he's won the battle, standing in the centre of all these groaning bodies as they try to replay what had just happened. One second they were on their feet, ready to beat Shizuo to a pulp, and then next they've hit the ground, bones cracked, blood pouring from wound and several gaping holes between their lips where teeth once were.<p>

And the funny thing is the guy hates violence. He hates being forced into an adrenaline rush and destroying the cause. Like his name suggests, he'd much rather live a quiet, peaceful life with someone who isn't terrified of his strength, fearing being crushed in his palm.

It's strange really…I long to be loved by the human race I adore so much, and he longs to be loved by someone who isn't scared of him.  
>Despite the fact we hate each other, we are, as I hate to admit it, two sides of the same coin.<br>I've read stories about two people who cannot function without each other. If one were to die, then the other would be unable to survive, their whole life and being knocked out of balance due to the loss of that one person.  
>Some call it having a soul mate.<br>Others call it having your destinies intertwined.  
>Knowing I'll never be rid of that <em>moron<em> makes me sick to my stomach.  
>So many times I could've killed him.<br>So many times I could've ended this cat and mouse chase that has lasted almost ten years.

But then I stop and think.

What would my life be without Shizuo?  
>I'd go about, exerting my love on humans without worry of being interrupted by screaming and a vending machine being hurled my way. I wouldn't have to give a second thought about anyone stopping me whilst I wander about Ikebukuro, looking for humans to help, getting on with my job…<p>

I need him.  
>I hate to admit it, but I actually need him.<br>He makes me tick. But he's too thick to see it or understand. The moment he sees me, alarm bells start ringing causing him to transform into the Incredible fucking Hulk, destroying everything in his path until he can snap me in two with his bare hands.

One time I told him how much he needed me.  
>Of course, I couldn't just approach Shizu-chan in the street and expect a nice, quiet conversation.<br>Oh, no, I had to be sneaky. But being sneaky is second nature to me, so it didn't really take much effort to spike his drink with a bunch of sleeping pills. And when I say bunch, I mean half the packet. Seriously, that guy's body makes no sense! I heard once he got shot in the leg and walked off not even thinking anything of it, only noticing he was injured when he spotted the blood on his trousers.  
>Anyway, once he'd finally collapsed on the side of the road I dragged him off into an alleyway and sat opposite him, waiting for him to wake up.<br>He looked so peaceful whilst asleep. Those sandy blond locks brushing over his eyelids, lips slightly parted as he inhaled and exhaled slowly. That's the only time I've ever thought his name suited him. The last time I'd seen someone have such a calm look on their face was when I was about ten and my sister Mairu had stopped screaming after about three hours. That feeling of relief was the same then as it was as I sat there waiting for Shizu-chan to awaken.

It didn't take long. Even half a packet of sleeping pills wouldn't be able to keep that guy out of it for long.  
>About ten minutes later he was groaning, twisting his body slightly as he stirred, eyes creaking open slowly. Then as soon as he realised I was in the same vicinity as him, he sat bolt upright, instantly demanding where he was, what had happened and why I was there. Then he put two and two together and came to the correct conclusion that I'd drugged him, dragged him here and waited for him to wake up. Although he seemed as confused as I did about the fact I hadn't sliced his throat open yet.<p>

I sat back, not really worried about him attacking me as of yet. It would take a few minutes for him to regain complete control of his muscles. And a few minutes was all I needed.  
>I blinked slowly at him, once again questioning what exactly had been running through my mind when I'd decided to do this. Why <em>was <em>I there?  
>Then my heart thumped in my chest as he shifted closer to me, hands shakily raised to strangle me.<br>'…Don't.'  
>He paused, eyes once again confused. Almost as if he was once again asking why I hadn't made a move and attacked him yet.<br>'…Why?'  
>'I just want to talk.'<br>A strange sound filled my ears. It bounced off the walls of the narrow alleyway causing an eerie echo. It made me shudder. How could someone have such a deep laugh over something so serious? I was surprised he hadn't clutched his sides by now.  
>'You? Want to talk? A bit late for that, Izaya!'<br>My left eye twitched a little. Part of me wanted to just slice the guy's face off with my knife. But the other part kept me firmly against the wall.  
>He was getting closer, knuckles cracking as his fingers clenched together in a fist.<br>'I'm going to enjoy this, Izaya-kun,' he growled, eyes wide and manic.  
>Glaring up at him, my expression still stoic, I spoke again. 'Oh? Are you honestly going to enjoy this? Are you going to enjoy hurting someone?'<br>He laughed again and I finally moved from my position, clutching my ears for fear of them being damaged by how the volume and the _ferocity_ of it. 'Why wouldn't I? I've wanted to beat you up since we were teenagers! Now you're here in front of me and I have my chance, I'm not going to give that up! Now show me some fear in those sickening eyes of yours!'  
>Using that as my opportunity, I looked him in the eye. 'I'm not scared of you, Shizu-chan!'<br>His fist was millimetres away from my face before he stopped, amber eyes still wide, but this time in wonder. Doubled up with the way he cocked his head to the side, the expression almost resembling that of a curious infant.  
>'Y-you…you're not?'<p>

Alright…this was more promising. Better carry on like this if I wanted to get anywhere.  
>'…I've never been scared of you, Shizu-chan,' I stated firmly, letting my voice contain a small amount of comfort as I reached up and cupped his fist in both of my hands.<br>Once again going against my predictions, he didn't flinch and pull back as if my mere touch would poison him like the flea he always said I was.  
>Shizuo swallowed hard, not really sure what to say to that. Was I the first person to say this to him? Did he not like what I was saying? Was he once again going to go against my perceptions and say that he <em>wanted<em> people to fear him?  
>He chewed his bottom lip in thought, letting his hand free from the fist it had been in within my fingers. In an attempt to soothe him, I let them brush over his knuckles. '…Not even a little bit?'<br>'Never.'  
>The blond slumped a little, sitting back down on his knees, making no move to tug his hand away from mine. I had to admit…his skin was so soft and warm against my own. '…But why not? I'm too dangerous to be around anyone for too long!' His voice was nothing more of a whisper. He looked so scared, eyes boring into the ground. 'I had to turn down Vorona the other day. She's beautiful and all but I'm just too terrified of hurting her unintentionally. I could never live with myself if I-'<br>I cut him off, unable to hold in a quiet chuckle. 'Don't be ridiculous, Shizu-chan! When someone like her comes along and asks you out you don't just reject her! How do you know you'll hurt her if you've not even tried?'  
>There wasn't any reply. But I didn't urge him to though. I could practically hear the gears and cogs whirring away in his head as he tried to formulate a response. I took that time to regard him, taking in his expressions and attempting to figure out what was going on in that dense head of his. He was obviously confused, but what about? That I wasn't scared of him? That what I had said made a little sense?<br>In an attempt to try and speed him up a little, I continued. 'There's no point in just closing yourself off. It's not fun being so lonely in this world.'  
>'Oh…and you know how that feels? Being Lonely?'<br>That stung a little. I knew _exactly_ what being lonely felt like. No one was ever good enough for me. No one matched up to my expectations. No one would ever be able to understand me and cope with me…  
>Was there much point in explaining that to this idiot?<br>'…I do,' I murmured, not quite meeting him in the eye, watching that rather interesting patch on the ground. 'I don't feel at home with humans…I need something more than a human to relate to…to understand me.'  
>Once again, Shizuo looked completely lost in what I was saying. Fuck's sake, was my level of vocabulary too advanced for him? It was so difficult talking to this buffoon...<br>'…So what about me? Why are we here talking about this if you can't relate to me as a human?'  
>My hands instantly snagged onto his shirt, almost like a desperate attempt to keep him from leaving. I don't know why…it just seemed like he was about to get up and walk away from this mid-conversation before he found himself unable to hold in his urge to punch me any longer.<br>'You're not the same, Shizu-chan…you're not human,' I whispered, staring up at him this time. He was looking directly at me too. 'You're a monster…Just like me.'

Because that's what we are.  
>We're gruesome creatures who cannot bear to be in the presence of others. For different reasons, mind. I hate being around others because they're just a constant reminder I'm alone. He hates being around others because they're a constant reminder he'll never be able to be close to anyone.<br>We both have our powers; I have my intelligence, he has his strength.  
>But in that respect, we both lack each other's powers…and complete each other. I'm a genius, but in a fight I wouldn't last. I'm too skinny and feeble, my build hardly intimidating. He's pretty dense but can lift things so many times his own weight. If he's ever caught in a conflict it'll simply take one throw of a vending machine to end the argument with him as the victor.<p>

So that day marked the end of a ten year long war in Ikebukuro.  
>Two monsters joined forces, still terrified of the prospects that faced them, but one thing kept the two of them happy. They weren't alone anymore. They were one. And if any human tried to tear them apart, both monsters would destroy the force using both of their abilities.<p>

Heiwajima Shizuo…you may be a monster, but you're _my_ monster. And I'd never have it any other way. With you…I actually feel human…because you're the same as me…and you make me realise that the world is not a cruel place and that someone like me _can_ be accepted.  
>I pray that I make you feel the same way when we're together.<br>I always knew you were lonely, even though you always had everyone with you.  
>You needed someone like me to want you, a fellow creature not of this world.<br>I did want you…and I'm glad you were brave and wanted me back.  
>Thank you, Shizu-chan, my beautiful monster, for making me belong.<br>I feel more like a god than ever and I could quite get used to this feeling.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading!<strong>

**Please feel free to leave a review or feedback~**

**3**


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